


Santa Monica

by Francowitch



Series: YOI Music Week [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inspired by Music, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, YOI Music Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-25 00:13:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12024033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Francowitch/pseuds/Francowitch
Summary: Standing in the pre-dawn, Otabek and JJ look off the Santa Monica pier reminiscing on the past...





	Santa Monica

**Author's Note:**

> So I might have missed the 80s... [I had music harassing my brain, but nothing else... sorry]... but here is my 90s instalment for music week... sorrynotsorry... this is total angsty feels... 
> 
> *edit* I realize I forgot to credit the song... I used 'Santa Monica' by Everclear [1995]...
> 
> Huge thank you to my dear Beta [Lorindaa ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lorindaa/) who I may have broken a few times ith this fic...

**Santa Monica**

  
  


Otabek found himself walking along the Santa Monica pier. He wasn’t sure what it was that brought him there, probably was  _ his _ fault. Visiting the West Coast was something which  _ he _ had always wanted to do. After so many years perhaps it was just the way it was, the concept had invaded his brain enough that it became his own dream. 

 

_ I am still livin' with your ghost _

_ Lonely and dreamin' of the West Coast _

_ I don't wanna be your downtime _

_ I don't wanna be your stupid game _

 

It was night, so late there was no one on the pier itself, the waves crashed against the breakers. The scent of salt and stale popcorn surrounding Otabek as he made his way through the empty pier, past the silent rides and empty stalls. The wind whipping through his hair, teasing it much in the way that it would after a fast ride. As he was reaching the end of the pier he could see the way predawn stretched across the horizon, making the sky lighter, the water shimmering. He slipped the knapsack from his back, hugging it to his chest as he leaned over the railing looking down to the dark water below. Hearing it lap around the posts as though calling him down.

 

_ With my big black boots and an old suitcase _

_ I do believe I'll find myself a new place _

_ I don't wanna be the bad guy _

_ I don't wanna do your sleepwalk dance anymore _

_ I just wanna see some palm trees _

_ I will try and shake away this disease _

 

Otabek stood there in silence looking over the horizon, in like a meditative state while the deep black of night changed over to the warmer twilight of predawn to the slow waking warmth of dawn. Otabek almost dropped the bag over the pier when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

 

“I thought you were going to wait for me eh?” The familiar soft French lilt from JJ was a comfort.

 

“I was. But I got here and I just had to see it first in this way, just the two of us, you know?” Otabek clutched the bag closer to his chest. “He told me he had always wanted to come out here, I never understood why. Kept saying later, or next year.”

 

_ We can live beside the ocean _

_ Leave the fire behind _

_ Swim out past the breakers _

_ Watch the world die _

 

“You don’t have to do this alone anymore.” JJ wrapped his arms around Otabek, his taller frame wrapping easily around the shorter man. “You aren’t the only one who misses him, either.”

 

Otabek sighed, leaning back into the embrace.

 

_ We can live beside the ocean _

_ Leave the fire behind _

_ Swim out past the breakers _

_ Watch the world die _

 

“I think I understand what his pull was for this place, it really is pretty.” Otabek spoke, his voice distracted, “The water is beautiful and it seems silly but while St.Petersburg has the ocean there too, it isn’t the same. The air here is so much warmer.”

 

JJ chuckled low, “Yeah you are right.”

 

Otabek sighed, “When with it be easier Jean? I need to find a way to keep going forward.”

 

“I don’t think it is ever going to be easier Beks.” JJ kissed the top of Otabek’s head, his voice thoughtful and far away. “I will be there for you though, through it all, through each step.”

 

_ I am still dreamin' of your face _

_ Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away _

_ I don't wanna be your good time _

_ I don't wanna be your fallback crutch anymore _

 

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself Beks.” JJ’s voice was hard, his blue eyes glinting with anger as he held out a photograph. 

 

They were no longer embracing as JJ was going through the knapsack, with Otabek hanging his head down in shame. It was still early in the day and only the vendors were starting to show up, quietly opening up for business on the pier. 

 

“Is this why you came here before I showed up?” JJ’s voice was low, “Is this what you were planning the whole time and why you said I shouldn’t come with you? Beks, answer me!”

 

Otabek shut his eyes, a few tears slipping past his eyelashes. 

 

JJ gripped Otabek’s arms, “Please.”

 

“Yes.” The single word was quiet yet deafening.

 

_ Walk right out into a brand new day _

_ Insane and risin' in my own weird way _

_ I don't wanna be the bad guy _

_ I don't wanna do your sleepwalk dance anymore _

 

“I don’t want to be alone anymore Jean, I can’t stand it.” Otabek’s voice was raw.

 

JJ pulled Otabek into a crushing hug, “You are not alone, you are never alone Beks, I swear I won’t let you feel alone ever again.”

 

“How could he have left me the way he did?”

 

“It was not a choice he made Beks.” JJ’s voice was pained, “You know that better than I do.”

 

They stayed like that wrapped in a fierce hug, the sound of waves, the call of the gulls and babble of vendors in the background. 

 

_ I just wanna feel some sunshine _

_ I just wanna find some place to be alone _

_ Yeah watch the world die _

 

Together they dumped the ashes off the side of the pier; not a word was said as the last of the ashes floated on the wind, carried off into the water below. Otabek was holding onto the photograph looking at it, he was making to throw it to the water as well only to have JJ still his hand.

 

“I would never ask you to throw this away.” JJ took the photograph smiling fondly at the image, it showed the two of them with a beautiful golden haired Russian, eyes that were the colour of jade twinkling with mischief and a grin that took over his face. 

 

“You loved him too.”

 

“Of course,” JJ smiled, “Idiot, moving forward is not about forgetting. I will love you both. Always.”

 

The pair kissed as the sun rose up over the horizon, their bodies locked together. Breaking off with a sigh, the strode back down the pier hand in hand.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos feeds my muse!
> 
> Come follow me on Tumblr for more YOI fics and chatter... my ask is always open  
> [francowitch ](http://francowitch.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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